Saturday, September 19, 2015

Door alarm

One of the ways I began to tell something was wrong in my family was when Daniel told me he wanted to sleep in my room by saying in a fearful whisper, "She's right over there!" pointing toward Loreli's room. I was shocked to hear and feel this fear from him. I knew he was worried about her but not to this extent.

So recently I asked Brad to put an alarm on Loreli's door. I've wanted to do this for years but she was younger and couldn't sleep with the door closed. I didn't know what to do and I also didn't yet recognize the trauma of the rest of the family. Now, she doesn't mind the door closed and often asks for it. The alarm is a simple, "bing bong" sound when the door is opened. To appear fair, Brad put one on Daniel's door as well, however we never close Daniel's door so it's for appearances only. It keeps us from having to watch the baby video monitors all evening after they go to bed and banishes the fear of going to sleep with no warnings of her leaving her room. 

This was a good solution for us, for now. So far, so good. I have found part of her alarm half peeled off the door once. It's likely that it will be peeled off and hidden or thrown away at some point but we have others to replace it.

If you think you know Loreli and are shocked about this story, let me say this:

Daniel has not had one nightmare, nor one time that he has crawled into bed with us since that alarm was placed on her door.

The first night the alarm was on her door, I slept like the dead. 

When Ike hears the alarm go off in the morning, he runs and hides.

Brad still has a video camera in Daniel's room that records. It shows the bed and Daniel's door, looking out into the hall. Ike often goes in there in the middle of the night, turns around, and lays down, facing Loreli's room. Head up, ears up, eyes open. I had no idea he did that. I knew that Onya went in there to check on him but I didn't know about Ike's behavior until recently. I wanted to burst into tears when I saw that piece of video.

He knows.


  1. My heart goes out to you.
    We know too.
    Good job!!!!

  2. Julia, you are not alone! Two of my three children from Russia have FASD, which includes RAD. My son, now 14, resides in a long term facility for sexual perpetrators currently. He molested my two step sons (then ages 4 and 5) and threatened to kill the family (very calmly explained how to his therapist and father), among many other things. He has many other diagnosis besides FASD and RAD. My 16 year old daughter is very much like your Eva, but has learned how to use the system now to do more than physically hurt others. The therapist says that RAD, untreated, develops in to PTSD, which untreated, develops into Borderline Personality Disorder. Although too young technically to officially diagnose with that, it fits her to a tee. Please look that up and see if any of that makes sense in your case. If Eva has RAD now, it can develop in to more. Thanks for being there and sharing!