Tired

Tonight I'm done. I'm just so tired. Tired of always being "on." Tired of Loreli's emotional needs. Tired of being a coach 24/7. Tired of time-ins. Tired of the teeter-totter of silence and then screaming. I'm even tired of the happy, easy going kid because I know the hideous, nasty, abusive child is hiding inside.

Tonight in the middle of a time-in I decided it was better if I just gave up for the evening. I don't do that. I've learned that in order for the time-in to work, it needs to run it's full course. It usually starts with Loreli screaming, followed by silence (45 minutes tonight), followed by an apology, followed by open and honest communication. Occasionally the silence is punctuated by screaming fits. I got sick of that tonight, it's 9pm!, and told her we would continue this when she got home from school tomorrow.

So, I have that to look forward to.

Tired and in tears.