"Payback" by Loreli

Hooo boy, did I want to explain my side of this post! But I've refrained :-) 

I do want to add that "Hiro" is a part of Loreli. The part that helped her survive the loss of her Mom at 3, the two orphanages that came after, and then finally coming home to be our daughter. Without further ado, here is 9 year old Loreli's first post:

Today we went to the library because I had finished all my chapter books and the first thing I wanted to do when we were done was to start one of my books. But Mom refused, so when we got out of the intersection, she asked which book I wanted and I told her. She held up a book and when I said, “No.” she said, “Wait until we get home.”

Then I threw a fit and started talking under my breath. Mommy started talking, “I did something nice for you and you treated me like crap. On top of that I took you out of school early!”

Daniel said something but Mom didn’t answer. “Guess she’s not listening.” he murmured.

Mom said, “I’m specifically talking to you Loreli!”

Then I started talking under my breath. “I’m always in trouble and Daniel’s not!”

I was mad.

We were about to pull into our neighborhood and then Mom said, “And you, Daniel! You didn’t want to stay too long at the library and we did what you wanted too! We easily could have stayed an hour but we only stayed for 20 minutes!”

Daniel said, “I’m really, really sorry and I won’t ever do it again.”

We were just getting out of the car and Daniel started kissing Mom’s butt saying, “Hi Mommy!” He waited a second but didn’t hear an answer. “Mommy…” he started.

Mom said, “Just be quiet for a few minutes.”

When we got in the house and took off our shoes, Mom started to say, “You can have a snack and then do chores to make up for your behavior back there.”

Then I got to share why I started acting like that. Hiro calls that attitude “payback”. Hiro feels that after I’ve had a good time she acts up because she wants to, NEEDS to, ruin the fun time because she thinks we’re getting closer to Mommy or Daddy or Daniel and she thinks it’s scary because back in the time of the orphanage every time we were getting closer to someone I was sent away.

And now that I’ve been in 3 other different places (except for here) and I’m thinking, in my little brain, that if I get any closer to my family I’ll be sent away to a different family. And if I got close to another family I would get sent away again. And so once I start believing I can trust my family then I start thinking about what it was like back in the orphanage and that’s why it’s hard for me to believe I would ever be staying with one family.

I told Mom this and she said that she understood. At the end I said I was sorry and next time I would show my anger in a more appropriate way. I need to be more nice when I say it and not get mad over little teeny things. Next time Mom says, “I’m talking to you Loreli.” I won’t talk under my breath.

And next time I’ll concentrate on other fun things that will happen in my life instead of worrying about the bad things that could happen.

That will never happen.