Buying a farm--learning to stay in the flow

Found as I was walking along this morning, coming to this realization

Brad and I have been looking for a farm and have found a place we love. It requires a leap of faith. The thought of it is, in turns, both exciting and terrifying. Day dreaming of it, imagining living there, our kids there, our mare Rayn there and someday other friends: more horses, a mini donkey, some free range chickens, growing hay, all of that is very exciting! Weaving the dream seems to be in my personality. Brad, with his personality, is the make-it-happen-guy. We make a great team.

For me, in this moment in time though, I'm feeling a little rushed. The dreamweaving isn't complete quite yet. His "hows" aren't quite answered either. I need a little time.

I've been rushing along with my make-it-happen partner and this morning I found myself finally "feeling" my body: my churning, upset stomach, what felt like the edge of a panic attack, it was hard to take a deep breath! This absolutely may be the perfect farm for us, I hope it is, but I don't find happiness in forcing it to happen. For me, the happiness and peace come in watching it unfold before my eyes.

So, I'm going to continue to get our house ready to put on the market. I'm going to continue making the phone calls I need to make, with the goal/vision in sight.

What I'm changing is my mental and emotional state around the whole thing. I'm letting go of the fear:
"The interest rates are going up. If we are going to do it, the time is now!"
"Where can we find enough retired horses to board?!"
"What if the owners don't want to throw in their haying equipment!?"

I refuse to be rushed in this. What a joyous time in our lives, a lifelong dream is being realized. The only now that has to be done is to enjoy the process and to feel good. If something feels icky then that piece isn't flowing toward the greatest good, that piece gets held up, held back. I'm looking for flow, for awe, for the magic. When I feel good, it comes. When I don't, it doesn't. Pretty simple really.