I had forgotten what it was like. It's been so long (6 years) since Daniel experienced "normal"--he probably doesn't even remember what it's like. He and a friend in school just found out that they live about a quarter mile away from each other and they've been lobbying to get together. It finally worked out today. Loreli is gone to therapy and the boys get to be together without the distraction of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Jase's* dad dropped him off, the boys rode off back to his house to check everything out and are now back here, checking everything out. I've never been able to let Daniel so loose before because with Loreli around, he is always at risk--physically and psychologically.
To have Daniel be able to have this tiny bit of normal brings joy and happy (but hidden) tears to this Mommy :-)
*Name changed :-)
I just realized the other day that I'M the reason that my 4 younger kids do not really have a fun social life or friends calling and coming over or asking them to come over. The oldest (13) year old with RAD, FASD and a host of issues cannot even be trusted to be out of line of sight most days. The school psychologist was asking me if she has any friends that call or ask her to do things or come over. I named off the people she has, but they are all kids with special needs or kids of my best friends who know the chaos we live and try to help us. He asked if she has any school friends that text, call, FB, invite her over. 12 year old has FASD, ADD, PDD-NOS and SPD and is very shy. I wanted to cry when I realized that it wasn't that SHE could not get along with other kids, but I was keeping her from having relationships, for fear of RAD's behaviors, manipulation and triangulation of others. All my kids have had tons of party invites, play date invites, given my kids their phone numbers to call. I just always decline the offers or make excuses and eventually the invites stop coming in. All because of the fear of our RAD child. We even pulled 12 year old off her cheer team of 7 years along with 13 year old because she was so abusive and horrible on our trips with the 3 girls to cheer competitions and then would pop out of the van after huge meltdowns on how she hates cheer, hates her team mates, just wants to go to competition to go in hotel pool and have food out. She would threaten and scream at us and refuse to smile or be in any pictures with us and her Sisters. Then, she would hop out of the van and turn into the sweetest, most loving, most outgoing and friendly child on the face of the earth. She was Miss photogenic and Miss personality. My Husband and I and the other 2 girls would look miserable and mean and crabby. No one saw the 20 some hours of abuse we dealt with, just the sweet, outgoing, friendly 13 year old that everyone loved. I started crying at that moment when I realized that my 12 year old's special needs are not the reason for her not being able to make friends....it's MY fear of RAD child triangulating and manipulating new people who do not know what we live with. I'm trying really hard to conquer my fears and let the others have a life. They are all friendly, fun, compassionate kids who have given up so much....they deserve to have friends.
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