By this evening I
found a pattern I hadn't seen since the early days of Loreli being home. I'm
upset by it but am working on feeling compassion.
Since Loreli can't
have uninterrupted access to Daniel to hurt and tease (not always but it
happened too often) she is quietly, sneakily, hurting Onya. Onya is our oldest
Border Collie, on July 23rd she'll be 12. I have made a big deal about her
being the oldest Border Collie I've had so far (Tippy crossed at 11.5 and
Shadow at 9). Anything that is important to me is a trigger for Loreli.
I first noticed it
this morning. I heard a yip. Brad and I had been talking in the laundry room
while he was folding his clothes. I realized Loreli had come up behind us and
Onya was with her. I asked her what had made Onya cry. "Did you touch her
ears? Sometimes she yips about her ears." Loreli said no and she showed me
that she had put her hand across her withers (in the same kind of position you
would pick a cat up by the scruff). Even when she showed me, I thought she must
be pressing/gripping kind of hard because her fingers were buried in her fur.
"Onya is old
and her body hurts her. Remember to be very gentle with her."
"I know."
(Looking back, a) not the response she's supposed to give and b) if you knew,
then why did you do it?
The next incident
was hours later. Brad had left to go windsurfing. Loreli had taken the dogs out
back and Daniel was inside with me. Loreli had been playing with Onya with a
toy in the house and decided that she needed to go outside with her instead.
I heard another cry,
this one sharper. I got up to check and Loreli said, "I didn't hear
anything." Maybe it was Midgie." Midgie doesn't cry. It used to be
that if she got scared she would nip. Something tugged at me but I didn't yet
recognize what exactly it was. I had both dogs come in.
The final thing was
this evening. I picked a movie for the three of us to watch together. Daniel
and I were on the couch and Loreli got up to play with her legos on the floor.
I didn't recognize it then but it was an avoidance behavior. A self-sabotaging
avoidance behavior. She left our little family unit and then felt all alone.
Onya came over to her and Loreli hugged her. Sounds nice right? As I was
watching it turned from a hug with Onya's chin over Loreli's shoulder to Loreli
pressing down on Onya's neck until Onya squirmed to get away which hurt her
more so she held perfectly still with her eyes showing her panic. It all
happened in a second and I said, "Loreli! Let go of her! You are hurting
her! When you feel her try to back away, you let go!" And from Loreli I
got the apologetic smirk. Oh shit. That's where she arranges her face into the
appropriate "I'm sorry" look but smirks at the same time. That's when
it all clicked into place for me. She's hurting Onya on purpose.
So, now the dogs are
under my protection as well. I hate it that I was so caught up in the kids that
I ignored the dogs.
This is so difficult
for someone who wants to see the good in people.
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