The Pool--First fun outing this week

Since Wednesday I had been saying that if they continued to behave we would go to the pool on Friday. We started off our pool fun at the house by me saying we were going to the Rec Center and Loreli replying with, "Awww, I don't like the Rec Center!" 

What I wanted to say was, "Fine. Then we'll stay home. Daniel and I will do something fun and you can stay in your room you spoiled brat."

What I DID say was, "Mommy is in charge and we are going to the Rec Center. Would you rather no swimming at all?"

She said she would rather go swimming than not. She wasn't pouting so I said, "When someone offers you a gift or a fun time, it's rude to tell them that what they are offering isn't good enough. So, what is the correct response?

"Thank you for taking us to the pool."

"Yes! Okay, let's go!"

We were there for 2 hours. The first hour we chased each other, played Marco Polo, and practiced all the things they learned in swim class. There was a fairly soft pool basketball floating around and Loreli and I were fooling around sitting on it and letting it pop out between our legs. Much laughing. Daniel wanted to try. Loreli didn't want to give him a chance but just one look from me had her handing over the ball. Unfortunately she was crowding him while he was trying to sit on it and the ball flew up and whacked her in the head.

I hugged her close. Her hands were over her face but she wasn't crying and I thought that maybe it had hit her in the forehead instead of her face. I said something silly to her and she didn't respond so I said, "Come on, that was kind of funny!" (meaning what I said, not the ball hitting her--although I can see how this could be confused and I recognize my part in this whole fiasco. Live and learn).

And she flipped out.

She screamed, "IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" and burst into raging tears. Poor kid, she really was hurt and furious at the thought of me laughing at her.

Writing this I have the thought that having a conversation in person with Loreli is much like having a conversation through texting or email with a friend: So much can be misinterpreted. And is.

I took her to the side of the pool. We got out, sat on the edge, and had our time-in. Daniel stayed in the pool and I alternated between the two of them. When she was raging I told her I understood she was mad. When she got quiet I would splash Daniel with my feet and count how long he could stay under water. More raging and crying, back to Loreli. 15 minutes went by. Finally she calmed enough that I could talk to her.

"I'm sorry you got hurt. I wasn't laughing at you. I said something silly and was saying that the silly thing I said was kind of funny, not that you were hurt was funny."

"Oh."

"I wouldn't laugh at you honey. I didn't know how bad it was. I was trying to see if you just got bumped on the forehead with the ball or if it was something worse."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Thank you! Can you think of another way to say you are really hurt instead of yelling?

"No."

"Well take a minute and let me know when you come up with something." and I went back to playing with Daniel as best I could while sitting on the side of the pool.

Loreli was mad again and tried to wiggle away from me. We were sitting side by side so I just scooched her back to me again.

After a few more minutes she said, "I could tell you I'm still hurt."

"Good job! That would be a great way to put it."

Daniel, seeing that things were beginning to be okay, came swimming over and pretended to get Loreli's toes. Trying to lighten the mood. Trying to get her to play. She glared at him and jerked her feet away.

I said, "Okay. We're going to stay here until you can have a pleasant face and be polite."

Loreli went back to crying. I went back to holding on to her.

At the end of 30 minutes (total) she gave me a tremulous smile and said, "I'm sorry."

I said, "Great! Let's go swimming!" and jumped into the pool. I suppose technically I should have then gone through the teaching process of what to say when she didn't want to play but GOD! I was so done!

The final 30 minutes we were back to playing and giggling.